She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
