how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
