He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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