Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
we should paint friendship bongs
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