guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
