I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
