i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
