i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
