She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
