Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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