I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
