Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize