just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
