I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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