You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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