im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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