Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
