Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
