i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
