I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize