im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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