Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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