That's intense
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
