apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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