And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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