You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
