Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
