Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
