i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
