i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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