Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
