He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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