I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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