He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
only if we run a train.
done.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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