the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
