I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
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