also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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