ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
