They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Randomize
