I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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