Is it normal to miss your booty call?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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