We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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