I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
