I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
