Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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