Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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