You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
