the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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