I heard we made out
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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