is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
