so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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