I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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