There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
