If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
