I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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