Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
