The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
